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True Stories of an Irish Upbringing and Other
lies by Dan Daneen
Price $ 17.00>> 
 Church
and Other Good Things
In my youth everyone in Ireland went to church if they
wanted to remain Irish. It was part of life as much as
getting up in the morning. We did it because it was the thing
to do, and fear of the professional Christian made sure that we
never forgot. The fear of the clergy was only compared to the
respect we had for their supposed wisdom in all things. This
admiration was based most likely on the supposition that they
asked for guidance from a source that really did know what
was going on. We went to the Church of Ireland because our
progenitors had gone there, and there is no better reason! So I
was told.
When I went to boarding school, church was most tiresome. We were
ordered to attend twice every Sunday as well as going to daily chapel,
which did not build up credits to use against Sunday attendance.
I was an angelic, little choirboy with a ruff around my neck, and
I did as I was told most of the time. However, I still seemed to
get into trouble. That was the story of my school life. There must
have been something wrong with the school, as it could not have
been me. I did nothing in particular but I did it very well!
The choir was committed to perform at Christmas and Easter
special services. I have an amusing memory of the Easter Service
when the members of the boys’ choir had to introduce the hymns.
For a very small wager a young friend of mine stood up when
his turn came, and announced, “We will sing hymn number 160.
Christ!! The Lord has risen today,” instead of “Christ the Lord
is risen today.” The result was most rewarding. The organist/
choirmaster appeared to have been struck by total paralysis. The
Bishop looked as if he were about to have a seizure. The
congregation gasped and my friend, appreciating the gravity of
his well-prepared goof, looked as if he were hoping that he was
going to be taken up to heaven in a fiery chariot instantly to avoid
the retribution that would surely come after the service...
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