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Eagle Born to Fly: Finding Life Beyond
Depression by Sharon C. Matthies
Price $15.00 >> 
Part 2 - Being There
Sirens of Suicide
I’m not proud of my suicide attempt. It frightens me somewhat
to share this story because I don’t ever want to glorify or
condone my actions. I share it because above and beyond all of the
good stuff that came out of that horrible episode, I gained some
valuable insights into the phenomenon of suicidal thinking. For
apparently legitimate reasons, suicide isn’t talked about
as openly as other life-threatening illnesses. We’re afraid
of putting the idea into minds that may not have thought of it before.
But I do want to share with you this one critical observation.
My suicidal thoughts had been simmering inside of me for a very
long time. We know they were there at the age of thirteen. After
my suicide attempt in 1984, I was able to go many years without
encountering those thoughts again. But they would return to haunt
me now and again, especially when times got really rough. I couldn’t
quite understand why they would, because it seemed as if I had already
dealt with all of the issues and brought healing to my inner being.
Even while being haunted by those thoughts, I would know to the
core of my being that dying was not an option; I knew I wanted to
live, indeed, that I enjoyed living.
So why were those suicidal thoughts still there? Finally, I stopped
pushing them away, and started just allowing myself to feel what
lay behind the thoughts. There were many instances when I simply
couldn’t find any logical reason for feeling suicidal, and
yet, there they were, whispering, haunting and beckoning to me.
Like the seductive song of the legendary sirens. And then it hit
me, with such clarity that the insight has become my most powerful
weapon against those suicidal thoughts whenever they loom on my
horizon now.
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