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Eagle Born to Fly: Finding Life Beyond
Depression by Sharon C. Matthies
Price $15.00 >> 
Part 2 - Being There
Descent into Hell
They say that the road to hell is paved with good intentions….
my experience was that my road to hell was paved with quicksand,
with claws of death reaching up into my exhaustion and simmering
woundedness, grabbing me by every lie I had ever believed about
myself and sucking me into a suffocating darkness that was terrifyingly
inescapable. In the beginning, it was slow and subtle, as the swirling
fog whispered through my fatigue and ever-so-innocently began to
lure me into the shadows and then silently sucked me down into the
chaos of mangled thoughts.
For the two months following my return from Pecos, I fought off
fatigue and feelings of burnout. With my guitar feeling like it
had become permanently attached to my shoulder, I continued to fulfill
every church obligation, even taking on new responsibilities as
the music leader for another intense retreat to be given later in
the fall. I couldn’t seem to figure out when it was time to
turn myself off, or how to re-energize…or how to just say
"no.” The fatigue was bewildering; I couldn’t understand
what was happening to me or why I couldn’t function anymore.
The commitments seemed important and satisfied my yearning to do
the Lord’s work, so I just figured that if it truly were the
Lord’s work, then the energy would be there whenever I needed
it.
Finally, in September of that year (1982), I collapsed from exhaustion.
I simply couldn’t get out of bed one morning. That was the
weary beginning of what was to become a massive breakdown and a
brutally long dark night of the soul. That was the morning I met
Father Louis Caissie.
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